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Guest Column: Nick the Cabbie – “Step on it.”

Guest Columnists, Hotels, Las Vegas, Nick the Cabbie, Stories, Taxicab Confessions
Posted November 25th, 2009 by Nick the Cabbie - 2 comments

police-comfortInstead of getting in my cab, this guy walks around to my window and says, “Can you get me to the airport in ten minutes?”

I quickly consider a multitude of factors like (A) where I am,1 (B) which route I will take,2 (C) how long it normally takes from here,3 (D) what day it is,4 (E) what time it is,5 (F) how much traffic will there be,6 (G) how much I want this ride,7 (H) what I need to say to get it,8 (I) what will happen if I take longer than ten minutes,9 (J) how big my tip will be if I miraculously get him there in time,10 (K) what are the most important details of this story that I may forget to mention,11 and (L) which trenchant author I will need to rip off when I finally write this down.12 [Editor's note: he's clearly forgotten emenopee, which would have made for a better spot to pause...]

I finish the mental calculations and conclude that it can’t be done. Even on the best day, with no traffic whatsoever, it will take more than ten minutes to get from here to the airport. Then I look him right in the eye and say, “I can try.” This is apparently good enough… for him. It’s not good enough for me. I would have preferred it if he had just jumped in the cab and exclaimed, “To the airport… and step on it!” That would have been so much better. I notice the clock change to 12:39 before he hops in the front seat next to me.

He explains a few things while I carefully zig and zag through traffic. Apparently he didn’t hear his alarm clock and woke up about ten minutes before he needed to be at the airport in ten minutes. And he absolutely has to be on this flight. The flight in question leaves at 12:50. And he absolutely has to be on this flight. Taking a later flight is not an option. Luckily, his friends don’t have the same restrictions because they are tasked with transporting this guy’s luggage. He thinks that not having any bags will help him get to the plane faster. Well, not having any bags… and being a cop. He believes a flash of his badge will get him around the crowd. He also believes that the very same badge will get me out of a speeding ticket if I happen to get pulled over.

I’m darting in and out of lanes, narrowly avoiding cars and trucks, and my video game skills are being pushed to their limit. Then I hear him say, “Can’t you step it up a little?” I risk both of our lives in order to glance down at the speedometer. It reads eighty-eight miles per hour. I step it up a little. Now I’m traveling at a rate of speed beyond my comfort level. I have broken the speed of comfort. This makes me a bit nervous and I accidentally take the Las Vegas Boulevard exit instead of continuing onto 215. He doesn’t notice. The light is green when I get to the intersection and I make my way back onto the freeway, threading the taxi between the slow cars. “That’s what I’m talking about!” he shouts, instantly transforming my mistake into victory.

Now I’m one minute away, but I’ve already failed. The clock in the taxi reads 12:50. He doesn’t notice. As he exits the cab he says “I think I’m gonna make it. Thanks.” Then he gives me two twenty dollar bills and sprints away into the crowd. This is a completely new feeling. I am simultaneously right and wrong, victorious and defeated, a winner and a loser. The entire experience lasted twelve minutes.

1 The Palms Casino and Hotel. On Flamingo. In Las Vegas, Nevada. Planet Earth. back to top: ^
2 The freeway, because he wants to go fast. Which means four to six dollars more on the meter.  ^
3 Fourteen to nineteen minutes. Depending on a wide range of variables.  ^
4 Sunday, the worst day for anything related to the airport.  ^
5 12:38 P.M. Twenty-six minutes before my next cappuccino.  ^
6 Enough to potentially be a problem. Or worse.  ^
7 It’s been a slow day and the next ride might be across the street to the Rio. ^
8 “Ten minutes? No problem.” or possibly: “Psh. I can make it there in nine.”  ^
9 Nothing good. I can assure you of this. Not one good thing.  ^
10 I think about the potential size of the tip more than any of these other things.  ^
11 The guy is wearing a cowboy hat and a leather vest. Beneath the vest there is nothing.  ^
12 Chuck Klosterman. Although I didn’t really consider this until I was actually writing it down.  ^

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2 Comments

  1. La Femme on February 6, 2010 :

    Fantastic! I love it when you feel like you actually got away with something, but then you realize you got away with something, and you get a little guilty-feeling. It’s totally nuts!

  2. Penni Utzig on March 7, 2010 :

    Good blogpost, thanks a lot!

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