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“What’s Wrong With Mikie???”

Las Vegas, Nevada, Sin City, Stories, The Famous and the Infamous
Posted April 3rd, 2007 by Christopher - 7 comments

My friend Christopher Nolan has said some funny stuff about Michael Jackson in the past, what with all of his seemingly out-of-this-world ideas, eccentricities, et cetera (to say nothing about allowing himself to be too close to scandals and people taking pop-shots at him because he’s an easy target.) In a funny-serious sounding voice, he’ll posit in the form of a question, “What’s wrong with Mikie???“

It’s true that some of the stories we’ve all heard Michael Jackson has been associated with over the years are just, well, a bit out there… Like the oxygen tank he used to sleep in. Or his partner in crime who happened to be a chimpanzee. Or the amusement park he lives in.. With zoo animals wandering all around…

This latest idea from the singular world of Michael Jackson, on its face, sounds like the kookiest idea proposed for Las Vegas since Bob Stupak was letting people gamble with the tic-tac-toe playing chicken.. Michael wants to have designed, engineered, and built, a 50 foot tall robotic replica of himself, which he wants to put out in the desert to roam around shooting laser beams. The thing is supposed to be big enough and the lasers awesome enough that it will be noticed by planes on the incoming flightpath to Las Vegas McCarran International Airport – something that people can’t help but see and will have them talking about the show he is wanting to put together on the Las Vegas Strip.

This might sound like Michael and some friends were sitting around drinking Jesus Juice, laughing out loud “what if we made you into a 50 foot robot and let you wander the desert shooting laser beams!?!@#?” The kind of pie-in-the-sky thinking, nonsensical idea that is mentioned immediately before someone exlaims they have intense munchies and asks if you have any Fritos(tm) with bean dip… or maybe Twinkies(tm). (No, wait.. nachos!) The truth is, this metallic nightmare actually has a designer and his name is Andre Van Pier. His partner has stated that plans have been drawn up for the show and that Mikie likes it!

If Hunter Thompson were still with us, I can imagine he would think this is a monstrous prototype of man’s most ego-driven imagination, full of potential disaster – the beast probably possessing malcontentment with his Frankenstein-like incarnation and isolation in the desert, and much ill will as a result. You know what I say? If you have the technology to build this beast, go for it! I say give him some artificial intelligence and personal autonomy, so long as he agrees to not shoot down any planes with his laser beams. We have to make him understand that the planes are not a threat to him and are good for our fair city…

I have just a couple of questions, though. Are Michael Jackson and the designers aware that there are houses, then mountains, and then a huge lake just east of Las Vegas? Where are they wanting to put this thing? I mean, if it was much further out it would be too far below the flightpath to see with any detail at all. How much room does the Michaelbot need to roam? We have to make sure it doesn’t crush any people, houses, animals, and especially Joshua trees (I like them because they look like something out of Doctor Seuss.) How is this thing going to be powered? A small, self-contained nuclear reactor – military submarine style? I mean I can’t imagine him out there dragging around a 30 mile-long extension cord everywhere he roams…

If you think about it, it’s been a long time since a new spectacle has been unleashed on Las Vegas. We have Parisian nude dancers, we have unbelievably rare white tigers and lions, we have magicians making them disappear and reappear, we have underwater performance art, we have pyramids like those in Egypt (except ours is hollowed out and has rooms built into the walls, complete with windows. Top that, Giza!) But as far as true spectacles, it’s been awhile. So I’m thinking, “maybe this is crazy… so crazy, in fact, it’s crazy like a fox… maybe, just maybe, this is brilliant.” ..If only they can pull it off. Just wait until the FAA gets the paperwork. I’d like to be there for that meeting just to see the look on their face.

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7 Comments

  1. dot_d_dot on April 3, 2007 :

    If I had the money, Id build a robot to go to ampm and buy my an icee everytime I was hung over.

    ..and I’d name him mormee.

  2. whilevegassleeps on April 3, 2007 :

    omg you’re nuts. I love it >:P

  3. I)ruid on April 3, 2007 :

    Unless they can make this robot randomly perform bursts of moonwalk, it just won’t be worth the expense…

  4. whilevegassleeps on April 3, 2007 :

    hahaha no shit… we were saying that very thing earlier today..

  5. play music on September 12, 2007 :

    Hello, nice post. Bookmark it.

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